Keep Me by Anna Zaires

Author:Anna Zaires [Zaires, Anna]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3, pdf
Tags: erotica, bdsm, abuse, adult, romance, dark romance
Publisher: Mozaika Publications
Published: 2014-09-30T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

Nora

I wake up later than usual, my head and mouth feeling like they’ve been stuffed with cotton. For a moment, I struggle to remember what happened—did I somehow have too much to drink?—but then memories of last night seep into my mind, twisting my stomach into knots and flooding me with confused despair.

Julian made love to me last night. He made love to me after violating me—after drugging me and forcing the trackers on me against my will—and I let him. No, I didn’t just let him; I reveled in his touch, allowing the blazing heat of his caresses to burn away the frozen hurt inside me, to make me forget, if only for a moment, about the ragged wound he inflicted on my heart.

I don’t know why this, out of all the horrible things Julian has done, affects me so strongly. In the grand scheme of things, putting the trackers under my skin—allegedly to keep me safe—is nothing compared to kidnapping me, beating up Jake, or blackmailing me into marriage. These trackers are not even necessarily forever. Theoretically, if I ever make it off the estate, I can go to a doctor and have the implants removed, so I may not even be stuck with them for the rest of my life. My fear yesterday definitely had an irrational component to it; I was reacting on instinct and not thinking things through.

Nonetheless, it felt like a part of me died last evening—like the prick of that syringe killed something inside me. Maybe it’s because I had begun to feel that Julian and I were growing closer, that we were becoming more like a regular couple. Or maybe because my Stockholm Syndrome—or whatever psychological issue I have—made me imagine rainbows and unicorns where there were none. Whatever the reason, Julian’s actions felt like the most agonizing betrayal. When I regained consciousness last night, I felt so devastated that I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

But Julian didn’t let me. He made love to me. He made love to me when I thought he would whip me—when I expected him to punish me for not being his compliant little pet. He gave me tenderness when I expected cruelty; instead of taking me apart, he made me feel whole again, even if it was only for a few hours.

And now . . . now I miss him. Without him by my side, the coldness within me is beginning to creep back, the pain slowly returning to choke me from the inside. The fact that Julian did this to me against my objections—that he did this even though I begged him not to—is almost more than I can handle. It tells me that he doesn’t love me—that he may never love me.

It tells me that the man I’m married to may never be anything more than my captor.

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